Ever have one of those weeks that calls into question things that you once believed were fundamentally true? Of course you have…silly question. We all have if we’ve been around very long at all. We are all broken people and we let each other down. But how many times do you choose to trust again before you finally say enough is enough? Forgiveness and trust are often hard to reconcile. Forgiveness can come; I believe that it must, but trust? I just don’t know right now.
It’s long past time for me to fill the pages of this blog again. I confess that I’ve been struggling with gratitude lately. Gratitude needs to be an intentional thing. A spiritual discipline. It is a gift I can give to myself as well as others and it’s high time that I begin to focus on it again.
As rough as the past few weeks have been I have much to be grateful for. If I pay attention as I should there are things big and small everywhere in which to find gratitude; the friend who listens without judgment when I need a caring ear; my dear, funny Pippin who gives me a reason to smile and to laugh every day; a job with people of integrity who understand when I’m having a rough day…so many things…
I loaned my truck to a friend this week and he brought it back with an assortment of things repaired; things I had been living with for quite awhile, such as the broken driver’s side door handle and the missing knobs on the handles that roll the windows down; now replaced. Heck, I drive a 20 year old truck–a few idiosyncrasies come with the territory. The gesture was totally unexpected and unnecessary but he did it anyway and I am grateful.
I stopped to visit with my friend Mark early this morning on my way out for a power walk with Pippin at Town Lake. Some of you will remember Mark from a blog I wrote last August. Mark is homeless. Visiting with Mark always brings to mind a laundry list of things I have to be grateful for if I’ll just get out of my own head long enough to notice. Mark’s life is harder than I can possibly imagine and yet he always seems grateful for the chance to have a short conversation; perhaps a Clif Bar and a bottle of cold water; a simple acknowledgment of his humanness.
One of the ways that I decompress during stressful times is to spend time with my camera. I have found my muse in the birds and squirrels in my backyard and on my hikes with Pippin. It’s a chance to be quiet and still — birds don’t stick around long if you make a bunch of noise or move too fast. It’s a chance to be in nature and a chance to use the creative gifts that God has given me–a form of meditation I believe. I’ve had some time to do just that this past week and I am grateful for it. I’ve been rewarded with some decent photos, some new birds to add to my life list and the gift of encouragement from friends who share my passion.
My plan is to be more faithful to this practice of gratitude and to recording it in this blog. Perhaps in doing this I can find my way back to forgiveness and trust. I am grateful for your time and attention in reading and my wish for you is that, through all of life’s ups and downs you find a reason to be grateful.